There are no straight lines I'm aware of to becoming "above all that". As I write, I'm haunted by all the creative plans I'd set for myself on this day without obligations. But then -- pooof! -- an obligation shows up. I could say NO. But then I'll be haunted otherwise all day by the recognition that I'm a selfish (fill in your preferred obscenity). Ignoring my willfully entered state of sharing duties and time with those you love requires making room for stuff that can make you feel that "I haven't done shit" feeling in the pit of your stomach. I'll just have to remind myself that the path of living alone was one that would not have worked for me, revise my plans and hope I get some semi-acceptable fraction of what I wanted to do done.
I can relate. "The path of living alone was one that would not have worked for me," is true for me too. Although I did take my time about settling down. I was 44 when I got married for the first and only time. It's 23 years now. And yes, there's a balance to it. Sometimes I do say "no" to things. Luckily my wife is usually fine with that. Hypothetically, one can say "no" to anything, but yes, I am also acquainted with that "haunted" feeling. At the end, you hint of a balance, and that feels sane and possible to me.
My wife would always be eager to help our daughter if she possibly could. Maybe there is a string missing on my guitar, so to speak. I always felt about my parents that they didn't have truly creative lives, that they sacrificed that on the altar of their professions, their parental responsibilities, their friends, and the mechanics of running a home. I didn't want to be like that. I agree with you that the way forward is to be aware of all these thoughts and feelings, observe them, and the answer comes hopefully, experience by experience.
There are no straight lines I'm aware of to becoming "above all that". As I write, I'm haunted by all the creative plans I'd set for myself on this day without obligations. But then -- pooof! -- an obligation shows up. I could say NO. But then I'll be haunted otherwise all day by the recognition that I'm a selfish (fill in your preferred obscenity). Ignoring my willfully entered state of sharing duties and time with those you love requires making room for stuff that can make you feel that "I haven't done shit" feeling in the pit of your stomach. I'll just have to remind myself that the path of living alone was one that would not have worked for me, revise my plans and hope I get some semi-acceptable fraction of what I wanted to do done.
I can relate. "The path of living alone was one that would not have worked for me," is true for me too. Although I did take my time about settling down. I was 44 when I got married for the first and only time. It's 23 years now. And yes, there's a balance to it. Sometimes I do say "no" to things. Luckily my wife is usually fine with that. Hypothetically, one can say "no" to anything, but yes, I am also acquainted with that "haunted" feeling. At the end, you hint of a balance, and that feels sane and possible to me.
Love the honesty Robert! It really pisses off the ego!!
I think we’re all drinking the cool aid in some way- hopefully we’re aware of it and observing it, drinking much less as time goes by….
My wife would always be eager to help our daughter if she possibly could. Maybe there is a string missing on my guitar, so to speak. I always felt about my parents that they didn't have truly creative lives, that they sacrificed that on the altar of their professions, their parental responsibilities, their friends, and the mechanics of running a home. I didn't want to be like that. I agree with you that the way forward is to be aware of all these thoughts and feelings, observe them, and the answer comes hopefully, experience by experience.