When Fixing it on the Outside is Futile
Yesterday, I screwed up. Trying to help the 80 year-old matriarch of my wife’s Irish family, I closed the car door on her foot. She was telling me to stop, but honestly I didn’t understand due to my sub-par hearing and her guttural accent.
I was horrified that I’d injured her. She’d just taken us to lunch at a fancy country inn, and we were setting out on a sight-seeing tour of Ireland’s gorgeous western coastline. The highlight: a herd of cows sunning on a stunning beach of white sand.
Meanwhile, my insides were burning with embarrassment and regret. Of course I apologized but nothing would make it better. Words only dug me in deeper.
At that point I focused in on my pain and discomfort. Just watched it. Yes, initially it hurts more that way. But meeting inner turmoil with consciousness helps. The pain dissipates — at least somewhat. More if I observe rather than think.
We ended up joking a bit about what had happened. She was an amazingly good sport. But, for me, the lightness was only possible because I had met the pain with consciousness.