For someone who just stayed up until 2:15 in the morning to watch a preseason NY Giants game in Ireland, and paid $30 to do it, this Leonard Cohen quote is infuriating:
I found that things became a lot easier when I no longer expected to win. You abandon your masterpiece and sink into the real masterpiece.
All this does for me is to show how far I am from enlightenment.
Winning:
I wanted my novel to be a best seller.
I want my musical play on Broadway or Off-Broadway.
I want large crowds at my children’s concerts. (I hate when people call them “classes.”)
I want the NY Giants to win, win, win, win, win, win. And I’m willing to wreck the final day of my vacation in Ireland to see if they do.
It is inconceivable to me at this moment that I could ever give up wanting to win.
But I get it.
Wanting to win is a rejection of the present moment. An abstraction.
Wanting to win implies not being a peace in the present moment.
And I know that if I am at peace with the present moment winning is insignificant. Who cares if I win when I have everything?
On a less frivolous note, I understand all too well the dangers of comparison. I tend to create without fantasizing about outdoing Shakespeare, Tolstoy, Beethoven, Muddy Waters, etc.. When I return for editing and everything that looked wonderful on the day of creation now looks like shit, however, my Winning fantasies jump in to convince me how hopeless that formerly spectacular creation actually is. So I avoid returning to it for days, weeks, months or years. Then there's a good chance that when I return I might think "hey, that's not so bad. Why didn't you continue with it?" At which time, the cycle tends to repeat itself. Then, only a deadline that is not entirely of my own making is my only hope for continuing until some version of "finished" presents itself.
BTW: I am a sports addict for Rangers and Mets; quite a bit less nowadays for Giants and Jets (starting from their NY Titans of the pre-merger AFL days.). But I don't bother with pre-season. So your addiction to the Giants outdoes mine. Congratulations (?)
This entry is a winner! 🤪 (Unlike our mutually favorite football team.)